Okay. So this past year was really not a good one for me. Aside from a few highlights, academically and emotionally it was a wreck. The reasons don't matter, but to help me move on and have a successful 2014 I have made a few resolutions that I am going to do all in my power to follow through with.
1. Go to counseling.
This is something that I have been putting off for a long time and I regret it. My college offers free counseling on campus and several of my friends take advantage of it and I have seen it help them greatly. I struggle with depression and with some major anxiety issues which have directly affected my schoolwork and made my grades go downhill. After some praying, and a few of my professors and Deon advising me to go, I plan on setting it up. It took me a long time to get to this point because I convinced myself that I was being a drama queen and that I could handle it myself. I didn't trust any of it to the Lord either which obviously never turns out well. I think this will really help get me on track, and it will help me to stop bottling everything up. It's def scary for me, but I think it will benefit me in the long run. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help.
2. Stop being so hard on myself and remember that nobody is perfect.
This ties in directly with all the anxiety I have dealt with this past year and for most of my life. I beat myself up constantly and compare myself to everyone convinced that I can't do anything right. I have to remember that God's plans for me are not anyone else's and I will accomplish certain goals at the right time. Oh what a hard lesson that is to learn! You cannot compare your Chapter 1 to someone else's Chapter 20. Comparison is the thief of joy and a waste of my time! I am going to work on not putting myself down, and focusing on the wonderful things I have in my life.
3. Go to the gym at least twice a week.
This year I really let myself go with the stress eating and junk food. There's nothing wrong with some junk food now and again but it's become my only diet and I gained 30 pounds. I don't feel healthy and I can't run without nearly passing out. I love going to the gym actually, its the getting there I hate. Since I have two days of no class a week, I am going to try go go those days and run on the days I don't. My goal weight is 115 pounds. It's not about being a twig though. It's just I need to tone up some areas. I can't wait to get started! Exercising always relieves my stress as well. :)
4. Get my grades up and try new things!
2014 brings lots of new things for me. Millie and I are starting a student led chamber choir that we all take turns conducting in to get some experience. As an official sister of SAI I will have responsibilities there too. I get to travel and experience Germany and Austria for the first time, and in the summer I will be teaching at Stages Academy near my home. I get to teach preschoolers their songs for the music theatre camps they will be putting on. I am terrified, but so excited to see what I will learn. I will compete at NATS again and begin picking pieces for my senior recital. I am going to embrace all new opportunities I will receive and live free from the terror that has kept ahold of me for so long.
5. Choose joy.
I am the most pessimistic crank ever. Complaining is one of my worst habits as well as being jealous of others who seem more successful than me. Breaking those habits will be the hardest of all I suspect, but with the help of the Lord I will begin to.
I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for me.
Now let the words of my mouth, and the mediations of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14