Sunday, December 23, 2012

I'm 20!!

    So yesterday was my 20th birthday. It was pretty cool because I got to spend it with my best friend Jenna, see The Hobbit again, and she gave me lots of cool gifts including the first 2 seasons of Downton Abbey!!! I can catch up! My parents also gave me some lovely gifts too, and I got my first Tiffany's jewelry from them. It's a heart necklace that we are going to have my name engraved onto.

   I'm so blessed by all the gifts I have received from everyone!! Deon stayed up till midnight and Skyped with me to tell me Happy Birthday, although he waited till 1am to write on my wall because he's an hour behind me and insisted that I was born in North Dakota which is in his time zone so therefore, it wasn't REALLY my birthday yet. He's too funny. I was sad he couldn't have magically apparated in for the day to spend it with me (not to mention meeting Jenna because that has GOT to happen soon), but I'll be seeing him in a little over a week. :) Which is good cuz I miss him like crazy.

    I had been freaking out for a few weeks about being 20. I didn't like the idea of now actually being an adult. I certainly don't feel like one!! And as the giggling over some *ahem* interesting topics with Jenna and Katie last night showed, I don't always act like one either, but I think that a little bit of silliness is good. Especially late at night. It took me back to when the three of us were inseparable and did everything together. We got the giggles all the time. A lot has changed since then, but I'm glad we can still do that from time to time.

     As I thought more about it, I realized I AM glad to be 20. Aside from the ages of 18-20, my teenage years sucked. Not as bad as some peoples I'm sure but for the majority of them I wasn't very happy, and I didn't have very many friends. Since going to college, I have gained so many friends that have shown me without even trying what true friendship and loyalty is. Aside from one or two of my childhood friends, most of mine were judgemental and really messed up my views of God and the world. They didn't do it intentionally, it's just how they were raised, but I'm still trying to find my way back. Around when I turned 18 I realized I didn't give a crap what they all thought and from now on I was going to just try to figure out what I wanted and what God REALLY wanted from me.  I also quit trying to please other people and tell them what they wanted to hear. I'd never been very good at it anyways since I am fairly blunt. ;) What a freeing feeling that was!!! I felt like a burden I didn't know I'd even been carrying was lifted. Sure there are still times where I am tempted to put aside my convictions and give in to the peer pressure, but most of the time, I'm able to say no and I'm a lot better off and a lot happier. I figured if they didn't like me for me than why would I want to be around them anyway? When I showed up at Lee, I expected the same old crap, but what I got instead was unconditional love, no judgement, loyalty, and lots of hugs! As I shared different parts of my life and story with different friends all from different backgrounds, they all understood and said they loved me anyways! If I'm struggling with something I only have to tell them and they pray for me. They have all been through so much too and it amazes me that we are all from so many different backgrounds and can identify to each other like we do.

    Of course, none of us are perfect and we let each other down every now and then, but a quick apology and a hug is all it takes to get us back on the right track.

   After experiencing this life as I entered adulthood and really coming into my own as a person and finding what God wants me to do with my life, (plus a ton of amazing choral singing), I've concluded I won't miss my teenage years. They taught me a lot about what NOT to do which was good, but now I'm ready to look ahead at the future God has planned for me. :)

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